Saturday, April 09, 2005
Im a horrible, horrible person
I wish i could fix it
Posted at 12:59 pm by Cauterize
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Im a horrible friend. I really am. Everywhere I go I seem to just fuck something up. Fuck it. Im not gunna whine say how I wanna die. I cant wait 'till Megan comes over on friday with the Mikes Hard Lemonade. I just wanna wash down my problems. I just wish i could have like a month where everyday I was completly 100% happy. I dont really know how that feels anymore.
Posted at 08:06 pm by Cauterize
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
I wish i had someone to vent all my problems out to. Preferably a guy. Bause i dunno, i for soe reason Im better at vent out to guys than to girls. I just like guys alot more than girls. Except for beth. Maybe thats just cause shes gay. Girls just have too much drama. Guys dont. they just dont really seem to care.. i dunno, i may be wrong, but thats just kinda how i feel right now. I wish i had a boyfriend. Then i could tell him all the things that were bothering me. But of course i dont. So ill just sit here whilemy mind practically explodes from all this stress i have right now. I just feel like a horrible person. Actually, I am a horrible person. Okay im going to stop. bye.
Posted at 08:12 pm by Cauterize
Permalink
Monday, February 14, 2005
Valentines day sucks... especially when you are alone :-/
Posted at 08:33 pm by Cauterize
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Sic Transit Gloria.... Glory Fades
Keep the noise low.
She doesn't wanna blow it.
Shaking head to toe
while your left hand does "the show me around."
Quickens your heartbeat.
It beats me straight into the ground.
You don't recover from a night like this.
A victim, still lying in bed, completely motionless.
A hand moves in the dark to a zipper.
Hear a girl bracing tight against sheets
barely whisper, "This is so messed up."
Upon arrival the guests had all stared.
Dripping wet and clearly depressed,
she'd headed straight for the stairs.
No longer cool, but a girl in a stitch,
unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.
(Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.)
she keeps his hands low.
she doesn't wanna blow it.
she's wet from head to toe and
his eyes give her the up and the down.
Her stomach turns and she thinks of throwing up.
But the body on the bed beckons forward
and she starts growing up.
The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe
you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.
he hits the lights.
This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from her friends,
she doesn't feel so prepared.
he's breathing quiet and smooth.
she's gasping for air.
"This is the first and last time," she says.
She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
she's holding back from telling her
exactly what it really feels like.
she is the lamb, he is the slaughter.
he's moving way too fast and all she wanted was to hold him.
Nothing that she tells him is really having an effect.
she whispers that she loves him,
but he's probably only looking for...
(Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.)
So much more than she could ever give.
A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
she waits for it to end
and for the aching in her guts to subside.
The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe
you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.
Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.
The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe
you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.
Posted at 01:22 pm by Cauterize
Saturday, January 01, 2005
well i started off my new year feeling like shit. I dunno if this is sign or something of what this year is going to bring, but i hope its the oppisite of what i feel like right now. Im tired of being so alone and i feel so pathetic. People younger than me have had a boyfriend already and i just feel like crap becuase of it. I know it shouldnt let it bring me down but it does and i cant help it. i just feel like shit right now and wanna cry
Posted at 01:13 am by Cauterize
Monday, December 13, 2004
this song is seriously my life. even though its a simple plan song, and im not a really big fan of them, who cares.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
god that is such my life
Posted at 09:34 pm by Cauterize
Thursday, November 25, 2004
i love how i wait for this day to come since sept. and the thing i wanted doesnt come
Posted at 08:29 pm by Cauterize
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
ugh. Everything makes me angry. one little thing can make me tick, and then in like 2 minutes ill be better again. its fucking annoying
Posted at 10:09 pm by Cauterize
Saturday, November 20, 2004
life fucking sucks
its true. my dad even tells me that
Posted at 10:08 pm by Cauterize
